MandoPop and I

I have posted before about how I got to know Kpop, this time here I want to share about the thing that I have fancy long before Kpop. That is MandoPop.

Actually I couldn't really call it MandoPop as it is not started with pop songs. I started fancy Mandarin songs after Huan Zhu Ge Ge drama released in 1998 or 1999 when it was on TV in Indonesia, and most of its songs are quite Chinese classics.

I love Chinese classic songs. Like the one in Mei Hua Lao and Xin Yue Ge Ge but sadly in Indonesia TV they used dubbed version instead of subbed ones, the soundtracks changed into Indonesian version even though used the same arrangement and same meaning of lyric, but in the drama you can hear the original soundtrack played here and there faintly.

Mei Hua Lao (1993) - Xin Yue Ge Ge (1994) - Huan Zhu Ge Ge (1998)

Even until now I still singing Meng Li

To say I'm a MandoPop fan, I think it's unfair to the real MandoPop fans, so I must say I just fancy Mandarin song especially the ones that were used as soundtracks to dramas I love.

So, instead of listing out my favorite group and singer, I will list out my favorite Original Soundtracks in Mandarin.

#1 The Outsiders 

Love all the songs! Really. All the songs fit perfectly into the drama, every character got their own songs and each of the songs portray the feelings really well. I'll say all the songs in this original soundtrack album are awesome I can't tell which one is better than the others, all of them are perfect. I love it!

#2    At the Dolphin Bay

The drama itself is already quite musical with the main female character being a singer. Journey, 遺失的美好 (Lost Happiness), and I Don't Wanna Know will forever be in my heart.

#3    100% Senorita

Everyone who watched this drama would definitely remember the song Disguise by Lene Marlin. This drama used quite a few of English and Japanese songs, besides Disguise, there is also That Girl by Stephanie Kirkham and Autumn Leaves by Nat King Cole, the using of the piano instrumental Hana's Eyes by Croatian Pianist Maksim Mrvica in sad scenes really throw the irony the characters were facing into my heart.

#4    Mars

Another drama about the tragedy in the main characters pasts. 零 (zero) by Alan Kuo is my chosen one, not only it's the opening theme song, but the song itself taught me that we can always reset our life, leave the past and start from zero not stay in the 'zero zone', facing the new tomorrow, to the new world. The second song I really like is 白色恋曲 / White Concerto by RaRa.

#5    MVP Lovers

I've talked about MVP Lovers / MVP Valentine's soundtrack having some Korean songs that makes me like Kpop back then. But what are the original 'original' soundtrack from the soundtrack album that I like other than the Korean songs? First, I must tell you that aside of having Korean songs, this drama also had Japanese songs, and most of the Mandarin songs in this drama were performed by 5566, and all of their songs are great. 無所謂 (Doesn't Matter), 我難過 (I'm Sad), and 挑撥 (Instigation) are my favorites.

#6    The Outsiders 2

The sequel of The Outsiders drama have no less awesome soundtracks than the first season. Let me say 你說 (Say It) is my favorite, 張勛傑 (Because It’s You), and 灰色空间  (Gray Space) are my favorites.

#7    Westside Story 

Westside Story was starred by 5566 as a group so of course they participated in the soundtrack too, and their song 存在 (Existence) and 傳說 (Legend) both made it as opening and closing theme song. But my favorite is the duet of Cindy Wang and Tony Sun - 煎熬 (Tormented). 

 

Other than those songs I've mentioned above, I'd like to put some honorable mention down here for my other favorite Mandarin songs that the album didn't make on my list up there.

• Angela Zhang - 不想懂得 (Don't Wanna Understand)

• This song was from Romantic Princess drama, I don't really like the drama, or fancy the other songs in the drama, but this one song really caught my attention, the lyric is deep.
  

• 5566 - Without Your Love

• It's not an official soundtrack, but the Music Video for this song was specialized to show the love 'Prince' had Xiao Xi, both are characters from MVP Lover but since Prince wasn't the main character and Xiao Xi ends up with her true love Chen Feng, fans wanted to see what happen to Prince after the drama, and this song portray the tragic story of Prince.
  

• Toro - 忘了愛 (Forgetting Love)

• I honestly don't like this drama, the cast, the music, the story, but I heard this song, and I just love it.
  

• Harlem Yu - 情非得已 (Last Resort)

• The first Hana Yori Dango manga live action, Meteor Garden, even though it originated from Japan, but everyone knows when we talk about F4, it means the Taiwanese F4, and if it's not all, most of the teenagers of 2000s era knows this song to heart. It's obviously not F4's song, but when you started "Nányǐ wàngjì chūcì jiàn nǐ.. yī shuāng mírén de yǎnjīng..", we know what we're singing about (pun intended).
  

• Penny Tai - 你要的愛 (The Love You Want) 

• If I mentioned Meteor Garden's OST, I shall not skipped "Wǒ míngbái.. Wǒ yào de ài.."

• F4 - 流星雨 (Meteor Rain)

• It's not from Meteor Garden but it is an F4's song, and people used to relate this Meteor Rain with Meteor Garden which has no connection at all. But this song is great, used to be my midi ringtone on my Nokia back in 2003.
  

• Sammi Cheng - 快樂不快樂 (Happy Not Happy)

• It's from a romantic comedy movie Summer Holiday, this was a song Sammi Cheng was singing in a Karaoke while crying because her boyfriend cheated with her best friend. It was a sad song, but was a funny scene.
  

Alright, so that's all for now. I don't know if there will be another post about Mandarin songs later. Might post some lyrics with translation though.

 

Until the next post~

[Lyric] Sistar Hyorin - 널 사랑하겠어 (I Chose to Love You)

 널 사랑하겠어 (I Chose to Love You)

Lyric and Produce by 김창기

Performed by SISTAR Hyorin

Original Sountrack of How to Love Smart 2

Released 2012  

 

 

[한글]

내 뜨거운 입술이 너의 부드러운 입술에 닿길 원해
내 사랑이 너의 가슴에 전해지도록..
아직도 나의 마음을 모르고 있었다면은
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어 언제까지나
널 사랑하겠어 지금 이 순간처럼
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

어려운 얘기로 너의 호기심을 자극할 수도 있어
그 흔한 유희로 이 밤을 보낼 수도 있어
하지만 나의 마음을 이제는 알아줬으면 해
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어 언제까지나
널 사랑하겠어 지금 이 순간처럼
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어 언제까지나
널 사랑하겠어 지금 이 순간처럼
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어 언제까지나
널 사랑하겠어 지금 이 순간처럼
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어 언제까지나
널 사랑하겠어 지금 이 순간처럼
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

 

 

[Romanized]

Nae tteugeoun ipsuri neoui budeureoun ipsure dakil wonhae
Nae sarangi neoui gaseume jeonhaejidorok..
Ajikdo naui maeumeul moreugo isseotdamyeoneun
I sesang geu nuguboda neol saranghagesseo

Neol saranghagesseo eonjekkajina
Neol saranghagesseo jigeum i sungancheoreom
I sesang geu nuguboda neol saranghagesseo

Eoryeoun yaegiro neoui hogisimeul jageukhal sudo isseo
Geu heunhan yuhuiro i bameul bonael sudo isseo
Hajiman naui maeumeul ijeneun arajwosseumyeon hae
I sesang geu nuguboda neol saranghagesseo

Neol saranghagesseo eonjekkajina
Neol saranghagesseo jigeum i sungancheoreom
I sesang geu nuguboda neol saranghagesseo

Neol saranghagesseo

Neol saranghagesseo eonjekkajina
Neol saranghagesseo jigeum i sungancheoreom
I sesang geu nuguboda neol saranghagesseo

Neol saranghagesseo eonjekkajina
Neol saranghagesseo jigeum i sungancheoreom
I sesang geu nuguboda neol saranghagesseo

Neol saranghagesseo eonjekkajina
Neol saranghagesseo jigeum i sungancheoreom
I sesang geu nuguboda neol saranghagesseo

[English Translation]

My warm lips wants to touch your soft lips
So that my love will be delivered to your heart
If you still haven't known how I felt
More than anyone in this world I chose to love you

I chose to love you until the end of time,
I chose to love you like this moment right now,
More than anyone in this world I chose to love you

I can arouse your curiosity by saying difficult words
I can spend this night with that common game
But I want you to know my heart now
More than anyone in this world I chose to love you

I chose to love you until the end of time,
I chose to love you like this moment right now,
More than anyone in this world I chose to love you

I chose to love you

I chose to love you until the end of time
I chose to love you like this moment right now,
More than anyone in this world I chose to love you

I chose to love you until the end of time
I chose to love you like this moment right now,
More than anyone in this world I chose to love you

I chose to love you until the end of time,
I chose to love you like this moment right now,
More than anyone in this world I chose to love you

The Big Break

 I'm gonna talk about the big break that happened to me in 2009. It was the big break from college, the big break from social life, normal life, the big heart break.

Life changed.

In the essay I wrote for my College Entrance, I talked about how the University would be my second home, how I would work hard. I asked myself in that essay, and I quote "Would I give up or would I be careless of my own fate? Or maybe I could pass all the obstacles with my chin up."

Truth is, I give up not because I didn't care of my own fate, or that I couldn't pass the obstacles, but I give up because that's the only thing I could do.

In 2005, my dad left hometown to the capital, followed by my brother who graduated in 2007, leaving me and my mom behind. It's not a problem, they left because they had to, and my mom and I was okay. But when my mom followed them in 2009, that's when everything changed.

At first, I was fine, I was living with my grandma, I was doing good with college, I had no problem at all, until loneliness hit me. I think it was something about my own mind, I just felt abandoned, even though I was not. When the first term in college started (second half of the year) my will to survive college gradually went down, the subjects and tasks getting harder, and I just lost inspiration for my designs. The worst of it all is the money problem.

I started getting insomnia, I could only sleep an hour or two a day. Withdrawal and changed in personality makes me feel hard to see my friends, I started getting problem on working in team, even though my friends kept trying to make me feel better, but it's just me, I'd just went home early and working in my room all day. I suffered weight loss but my family 'praised' me for successfully losing weight. I lost 10 kg from 60 kg. It's weird to be praised when it was never you intention to begin with.

I was sick mentally and physically. I lost track of myself, of what I wanted, I started to changed from the person who wants to do things, to the person who will just do whatever others do, I used to say 'let's do this' but changed to someone who would say 'if you want to do it I'll go with you'. I started walking behind my friends instead of leading, I refused to talk in the presence of others, I don't want to make new friends, and I even cut my hair out of anger.

Suicidal thought started to make its debut in my mind.

Then I stopped going to college. 

What prevented me of suicide was the thought that I would bring shame to mom, to grandma, I would make them sad, I would make the whole family talked about my parents, I would make the people around them blaming those I left. Most of all, I would not achieve anything from it. I guess it was because I never thought of myself at the first place, that's why I don't do what I wanted to do. Not even suicide.

I've never talked about this to anyone, I don't like talking about it with others face to face, I am someone who would cry when I feel unfairness, and the whole things that happened to me is so unfair that I would cry my heart out if I ever started talking about this, and I hate it when people see me cry. That's why I put it on my blog, I don't care if no one reads it, I just want it out of my heart, to let go of the burden I've kept for so many years, and no, I am not crying right now. 

If you ever had the thought of suicide, please learn from me, death is just death, you don't gain anything of it, but leaving shame to those you left behind, those you probably hate, and love.

 

Thanks for reading.

Real Horror Stories of My Own Experiences (Episode 2)

The Dormitory

This is another events I experienced when I was in a boarding school back in 2000. I have lived in a Catholic Monastery Dorms for 6 months. I have experienced a lot of things in this dorm in that 6 months.

First I should share the schedules so that readers could get the feeling of how it was living in the boarding school. 

Now, here's the dorm areas.

Ground level of the Dormitory Area

 

At the  ground level there are 1 large living room, 3 smaller guest rooms, 1 office room for the head of the dorm, 1 huge dining room, 1 big pantry, 1 huge main bathroom, 1 smaller bathroom with toilets, 1 huge locker room, 1 broom cupboard, 2 stair case sides.

Started with the story about the creepy broom cupboard under the stairs at the side of the huge main bathroom, some students said they could heard voices from inside the cupboard. It is also located side by side with the only toilet that was locked and forbidden to open. They said that toilet was locked since the dorm was still used as nuns dorm, the myth is a nun died committed suicide in there, but the head of our dorm confirmed that was only a hoax.

Here is the upper level of the dorm

1. Huge Bedroom
2. Toilet
3. Small bedrooms (5 - 6 rooms)
4. Locker room
5. Bath toiletries storage / clothes and towels drying hangers
6. Hidden room from the past
   

 

 

 

 

Accessed only from inside the second floor locker room, there was a secret door that led us to this hidden 8 rooms that would be annually cleaner up, the rooms were for special nuns that used their time only for praying.  Inside the room was a small bed, a sink, a toilet, and a table with a chair, and a chest. When i was in that dorm, i experienced the cleaning party. I personally think it was more like a prison.

I myself never experienced things from those places, but we (as in me and my friends) once saw the head of our dorm walked down the staircases from the monastery to our dorm while talking to her side, as if there was someone walking with her side by side, but there was no one.

Some says it was a Dutch nun, and some says that head-sister was actually talking in Dutch. It could be true because the one who said that knows Dutch since her father is a Dutch. But it could also be a lie because we (the others) don't know the language at all. 

What I experienced myself was when I saw a very pale nun walking through inside our room from the main door, passing my bed, through the door to the locker room. The thing is that door to the locker room is closed and locked since it was blocked with lockers. At first I thought it was our head-sister,thought it was only my hallucination because I was between wake up and falling asleep, but then the real head-sister came in and walk through the whole bedroom while knocking soft sticks around, chanting Hail Mary prayer.

About two weeks after that, our dorm make a renovation at the Toilet (#2 on picture above) that was closed with permanent wall on its door for so many years. There was a story around about the history of the toilet. They said a nun died in there when she was sick, she died there after coughing blood and the blood stained the walls, couldn't be cleaned. So the renovation started, and just a day after the wall demolished, one of our senior that had her bed next to the toilet door fell sick. Another story came out, she said she had a dream where she saw a nun died in that toilet from aborting her baby, and that the fetus and her blood was drained in that toilet, which is why she haunts that toilet. One Saturday night when most of us were either dancing or watching TV downstairs, some students who were taking care of this senior ran downstairs, screaming, asking help from us and some ran to the monastery to get our head-sister. They said, this sick senior was sleeping when she suddenly got up and speaks gibberish, pointing at the door with wide eyed, they tried to pull her away from the toilet (the renovation hasn't finished yet), but this senior seems to be so strong no one can pull her away. She keeps banging on the toilet door that was locked.

When the head-sister came with some other nuns from the monastery, we were all told to go to the dining room and stay there until dismissed. Some seniors were told to guard us and one nun came with us to make sure we were in order. It was Saturday night, we were supposed to have fun, but instead we were told to sit in the dining room, praying Novena. I couldn't remember the time, but it took long until our head-sister came in and told us that everything will be okay from now on, we were also told to keep the toilet clean and not smelly when the we use it in the future.

Horror stories about our dorm spreads out, some got seriously scared, I was scared, but the reason why I only lived there for 6 months before moving to another dorm outside the school complex was not because of this scary experiences. It was because we could only go home once a month, every first weekend. Any kind of comic books and novels were forbidden, no gadgets are allowed to bring in. Means, no fun unless it is watching TV or listening to music and dancing on Saturday night. I couldn't adapt to it, i grew up reading encyclopedia books and comics, I spent time listening to radio or cassette tape, and I always gets ranked high in school (elementary).

After I moved in to another dorm outside the Monastery area, I could bring my handphone and spoke with mom every day, I can read books / comics when I don't feel like taking a nap, I can listen to my favorite music while studying, and my studying went well. I even ranked #1 in class. Meaning, you can't control your children, you should let them learn and study the way they feel most comfortable, even if they don't ranked as best students, you should never tell them how to live their life.

KPOP and I

Korean Wave had entered my country, Indonesia, since year 2000. At that time, Indonesian were still not interested with Korean Pop or dramas. Not until 가을동화 [Ga Eul Dong Hwa] or Autumn in My Heart, or also widely known as Endless Love become a headline. People started to watch more Korean dramas, such as 겨울연가 [Gyeo Ul Yeon Ga] or Winter Sonata. If I'm about to list out the dramas, I could only list up the most popular ones, like Full House, 궁 [Goong] or Princess Hours, 대장금 [Dae Jang Geum] or Jewel in the Palace, 동이 [Dong Yi], and of course I should and must mention 꽃보다 남자 [Kkot Bo Da Nam Ja] or Boys Over Flowers which was the started of it all.

But when did Korean Wave started getting its well-deserved attention in this country?

Super Junior would be the first group mentioned if you ask 'Kpoppers' back then in mid 2000s, and even though there are so many groups known by now, Super Junior is still one of the popular one.

But I'm here talking about my Kpop life, so when did I started 'stanning' KPOP? I'll say, 2002 or so, and it wasn't cause by any Korean drama, in fact it was because a Taiwanese drama MVP 情人 [MVP Qíng Rén] or MVP Lover. The drama used some Korean song for its soundtrack, and that was the beginning. I started stanning BoA after I listened to No.1 and Waiting, and then Shinhwa for their Perfect Man and Shout, Fly to the Sky for their Sea of Love.

 

I got to know WAX after her songs 사랑하고 싶어 (I Want to Love) and 날 떠난 이유 (Reason Why I Left You) were used in At the Dolphin Bay drama. Also, Baby VOX, ever since I heard Coincidence.

That's how I became a Kpopper. The name 'Kpopper' itself is barely used now, usually people will call themselves as Korean Lovers.

I became a Cassiopeia (fan of 동방신기 [Dong Bang Shin Ki] or well known as TVXQ) in 2007, and that's when I started to learn about antis and about how toxic and dangerous they are. Then there were fan-wars between Cassiopeia and VIP (Bigbang fans). Even after Bigbang and TVXQ made a collaboration stage for SBS Gayo Daejeon, the fan-wars still happen here and there.

But the worst antis was Girls Generation's antis. The black ocean in 2008 was the worst and it should never happen to any performance.

And I was also a S♥NE (read: 소원 [So Won], means: Wish], that moment was really sad. I was mad.

Anyway.

There was this thing that we called as 'Gathering', it's an event where Kpoppers meet and shares our interest with each other, it was a thing until early 2010 before Korean Concerts started entering our country's venue. Of course, Rain was the first singer to held a concert in Indonesia, it was on 2009, but after 2010, there were a lot of concerts.

Not only concert, the thing we called 'antis' also started happening. They were already existed since 2000s, but back in that era, there were only antis of certain group, in this topic I meant antis of Kpopper. Ever since the Korean wave hit big in Indonesia, everything is Korean involved, even the towel in the market would be labeled as 'Korean towel'. I'm not surprised if people in general would feel irritated by that, even I felt irritated.

Back to my fangirling life. Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu decided to leave TVXQ in 2009, and I was sad, I chose to leave the fandom than to be torn inside being a Cassiopeia at that time. I've been to several Cassiopeia's gatherings, and I like being in that circle, but since JYJ is leaving, there was chaos.

I focused on Bigbang, 2NE1, and Girls Generation since then. But in 2011, I found the perfect fandom to join, and that is A+ (fan of MBLAQ), and all of it because I watched Sesame Player. 

A+ is a peaceful fandom that will only care of MBLAQ, the fandom name itself came from the fact that all MBLAQ members' blood type are A. 

But my bias, Lee Joon, along with Thunder, left the group after their contract expired in 2014 (just two years after that unforgettable concert). That broke my heart, to the extent that I don't want to listen to Kpop anymore.

But in 2015, I finally find my last group I'll ever stan. EXO.

I know I was late like for 3 years long, but it's better than never.

I happen to stan EXO at the right time. EXO was there when I was alone, their songs kept my spirit when I was down, and when I was at the darkest side of my life, I have EXO to make me smile. This time, it's not just a fangirling thing, but I admire them as an adult. Some might say they grew up stanning EXO, but I am thankful that at least, in my life, I stan the right one.

I don't and won't regret stanning EXO whatever happen.